My new Christmas song 12/20/2007
I wrote a new song last night…. "Mama Merry Christmas." I've never written a Christmas song and I always notice that other artists are posting Christmas songs on their page or releasing Christmas singles…I never really had any interest in writing a holiday song and, well, this one kind of came upon me. I didn't ask for it. It wrote itself.
To me, Christmas has changed in my life from what it was for 29 years to what it has been for the past 3. I guess I was really lucky and didn't even know I was, growing up with a mom and a dad under one roof and Christmas full of traditions and magical feelings. From trimming the Christmas tree with my parents and little brother while listening to the Beach Boys Christmas album to sitting down to our Christmas dinner (the only time out of the entire year that we ever sat in the dining room and used the fancy settings) with just the four of us sharing our memories of the year about to end and our hopes and dreams for the next, it was pretty fucking ideal. Every year on Christmas Eve, my father would read, "The night before Christmas" and then we would all sit around the tree in the dark, looking at the lights and listen to Christmas music before heading off to bed. In the morning, we would all wake up and my dad would always have to be the first one downstairs to make sure….well, to be honest, I'm not sure what he was making sure of….that "santa" was gone? Whatever it was, it was always a big deal that no one went down before him. It was a tradition; a tradition that ended along with all of the others when my father passed away in April of 2005. Now, in 2007, I sit in Los Angeles for my first Christmas away from my family; my brother is in New York with his wife and in laws; my mom is at home in Cincinnati.
It makes me sad, too sad to even really let myself feel, that all of this wonderfulness surrounding this holiday for me has ended. I've felt myself in the past 3 years want something radically different from Christmas….re-define it so that the season is something new rather than a rememberance of what is gone. This year my Christmas will be spent with Holly and the animals…we've decided to make a bed on the floor and watch the entire season of 24.
Next year, we will be heading to Cincinnati to spend Christmas with my mom. I know that this year is really difficult for her, not having my brother or I home. I think this song came out of having a whole lot of love and compassion for her while sharing the common bond of the loss of my father and all that went with him.
I guess one of the reasons I never wanted to write a holiday song before is that, much like this time of year, there is this pressure I felt to "make it cheery." Well, just as I don't want anyone to tell me how I should feel this time of year, I don't want anyone to tell me how to write. This season is traditionally one of cheer but realistically a very painful time for many, many of us. I think a lot of people will be able to relate to this song…or at least, as with all of my songs, that is my hope.
So, to all of you out there: have a holiday….have a happy one, a sad one, a scared one, a funny one, a drunken one, an angry one, a regretful one, a loving one….have whatever kind you want to have. Peace to you all.
To me, Christmas has changed in my life from what it was for 29 years to what it has been for the past 3. I guess I was really lucky and didn't even know I was, growing up with a mom and a dad under one roof and Christmas full of traditions and magical feelings. From trimming the Christmas tree with my parents and little brother while listening to the Beach Boys Christmas album to sitting down to our Christmas dinner (the only time out of the entire year that we ever sat in the dining room and used the fancy settings) with just the four of us sharing our memories of the year about to end and our hopes and dreams for the next, it was pretty fucking ideal. Every year on Christmas Eve, my father would read, "The night before Christmas" and then we would all sit around the tree in the dark, looking at the lights and listen to Christmas music before heading off to bed. In the morning, we would all wake up and my dad would always have to be the first one downstairs to make sure….well, to be honest, I'm not sure what he was making sure of….that "santa" was gone? Whatever it was, it was always a big deal that no one went down before him. It was a tradition; a tradition that ended along with all of the others when my father passed away in April of 2005. Now, in 2007, I sit in Los Angeles for my first Christmas away from my family; my brother is in New York with his wife and in laws; my mom is at home in Cincinnati.
It makes me sad, too sad to even really let myself feel, that all of this wonderfulness surrounding this holiday for me has ended. I've felt myself in the past 3 years want something radically different from Christmas….re-define it so that the season is something new rather than a rememberance of what is gone. This year my Christmas will be spent with Holly and the animals…we've decided to make a bed on the floor and watch the entire season of 24.
Next year, we will be heading to Cincinnati to spend Christmas with my mom. I know that this year is really difficult for her, not having my brother or I home. I think this song came out of having a whole lot of love and compassion for her while sharing the common bond of the loss of my father and all that went with him.
I guess one of the reasons I never wanted to write a holiday song before is that, much like this time of year, there is this pressure I felt to "make it cheery." Well, just as I don't want anyone to tell me how I should feel this time of year, I don't want anyone to tell me how to write. This season is traditionally one of cheer but realistically a very painful time for many, many of us. I think a lot of people will be able to relate to this song…or at least, as with all of my songs, that is my hope.
So, to all of you out there: have a holiday….have a happy one, a sad one, a scared one, a funny one, a drunken one, an angry one, a regretful one, a loving one….have whatever kind you want to have. Peace to you all.
posted by Julie Neumark | 3:24 PM
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