Chewing on Plywood - 9/5/2007

Happy hump day. It still feels like tuesday. I'm all thrown off from the weekend.

Sometimes I just feel like chewing on plywood.

But first, I want to thank all who read and commented on the photos....I learned A LOT from what you all had to say and no decisions have been made just yet, just a whole lotta thoughts rollin' around in this head o'mine.....

Back to the plywood....

One of those "thoughts" rolling around in my head the idea of CONTROL. All of us want it, none of us have it, yet the idea of it can become all-consuming....hmmm, almost controlling....

I've been struggling with the idea of it and how it's shifting in my life quite a bit lately. I am a very pro-active - go-getting - don't-waste-time - kinda person. I'm INCREDIBLY impatient (** something I am perpetually working on.....I even got the chinese symbol for it tatooed on my left shoulder....unfortunately, I can't SEE my left shoulder so it doesn't quite serve as the "reminder" I'd hoped). I find that I am extremely impatient with the process of releasing my album...having to delegate responsibility of tasks that I would usually do.....having to depend on others to do their job. Trusting. Stepping back. Relinquishing some control....

My manager keeps telling me that "these things take time" and that there is a very specific course of action and order of operations we need to follow. I get that intellectually but, shit, emotionally it's ummm.... "challenging." (***euphemism for "fucking frustating")

So, I've been spending a whole lotta time letting my anxiety over choosing the right photo, the right song track order, the right graphic designer, the right marketing company....etc., etc., etc....really ache inside of me.....

All things that I should just be so GD appreciative of getting the chance to stress over...

And then I had an experience the on Monday night that put it all into some perspective for me:

I had my neighbor over for some long overdue beers I'd promised her for her birthday. She is also a musician and we were talking about our careers and all of the challenges that come with it. She asked me about my story and how my manager and I came to work together....she asked me what I felt he had done to help me move forward in my career. I sat back and smiled and realized how lucky I am...how lucky I am to have found someone who believes in me, who has spent countless hours creating cds to help influence my writing, who set the bar higher than I was setting for myself when it came to my writing, who worked with me to come up with a business plan / proposal so that I could go out and get investors to help finance this project, and someone who, to this day, encourages and cares about me in addition to "my career." All this, based on belief and faith.

I realized that I don't tell my manager how much I appreciate him and so I decided to send him an email telling him of this experience.

Although not all of you out there are in the process of releasing an album, you are all, I am sure, embarking on some endeavor, whether it be in your professional or personal life, where CONTROL is an issue....a mighty strong force to be reckoned with. I welcome the opportunity to hear of some of your stories, your pitfalls, your triumphs around "control."

I know "letting go" of some of my personal control will continue to be challenging and I know I will continue to have days where I just want to chew on a piece of plywood, but I have perspective on my side for the present time....perspective to remind me of my appreciation for all my opportunities.

Til next time,
hUMP bLOG oF lITTLE dAME....